And you could chose to believe it…but it’s not true. My Sunday activities included shimming up and down the trees outside the church faster than the boys in my Sunday school class. Hair adorned with twigs and leaves, I chased the losers into the dark recesses beneath the church building, and with only Daddy-Long-Legs to bear witness, smothered the hapless boys with sloppy girl kisses. I wore scabs on my knees like badges of honor, and much to Mama’s dismay, they were willingly shown to anyone and everyone.
My mother had wished for a young lady, a copy of Audra Barkley—instead she was raising a young wildcat with antics that’d leave even Ellie Mae Clampett in awe. “Leave her alone. My gal’s got spirit,” Daddy always told my mother. “She’s a tomboy, the girl-next-door, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” He’d always finish the conversation by kissing her on the cheek, and encouraging her to find the humor in my antics. And he needed to remember his own philosophy when he walked into my second grade classroom after a choir performance and saw me sitting at my desk in a very uncomfortable situation. Not one to pass up a dare, I’d wedged the hook end of a wire coat hanger (for my choir robe) into my mouth and gotten it stuck.
“She looked like a gigged frog,” I heard Daddy telling Mama later, after the incident was over. “No harm done—Debbie learned her lesson. Just gotta laugh about it now.
When I became a parent, I found it important to implement my father’s philosophy. It was either that or become the poster girl for Choco-holics Anonymous, based on my children’s antics. My boys have painted themselves green, indulged strangers in the grocery store about the contents of my medicine cabinet, and once tried to board a plane to Cancun…without me. And no one that I know of has been bitten by a pig, with the exception of my older son.
In recognition of the parenting journey and finding the laugher within it (and to expose my skeletons before the kids do) I have penned my first humor book, The Toilet's Overflowing and the Dog is Wearing My Underwear.
Celebrating the release of the book, I am giving away a "parent survival pack" to one participant that includes:
Three XL chocolate bars (Hershey's Milk Chocolate; Cookies & Creme; Symphony)
One XL coffee cup
Two 6-cup pkgs. flavored coffee
A signed copy of The Toilet's Overflowing and the Dog is Wearing My Underwear.